jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
Today, some many years ago --- I know exactly how many, but Ravan may want that information to be kept between family and friends, ---- I got a precious, tiny, sweet and a joy to all of us. Turns out she was/is also a firecracker and kept me hopping when she was a child and a teen too.

Happy Birthday, Ravan! I am proud of the woman you have become. You have always been a good daughter. I know I didn't always tell you that. I didn't always understand you, but most of the time I have been proud of your stubbornness, independence and free thinking spirit. Some would say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in those qualities. your grandma was happy to point that out to me on many occasions through the years that she was alive with her "well, what do you expect? She's YOUR daughter, Ellen!"

I hope your day has been all that you wanted it to be. I would call you, and I think your sister tried to do so. She told me she was going to do so when she called this afternoon. Laura is in India. She arrived safely but Chris has heard nothing else. I think that means Laura is busy and having a good time, or that there is no phone or cell coverage where they are in a city in Northeastern India. I can't remember the name of it, though Chris told me. I didn't quite catch it and it's not one I recognized right off the bat.

Anyway, gotta run. I hope you see this. I'll probably shoot you and email tomorrow or Monday. I'm really tired at the moment as this morning was WPVFD breakfast and we served about 100 or so breakfasts --- not bad for the middle of the summer and no snow birds, lots of political candidates and their entourages though. LOL

For the rest of the universe reading this, Ravan lives some 3,000 miles away from me. She is on the West Coast and I am 50 miles from the East Coast. The only thing similar is the climate! It is sunny and mild in both locations, California and Florida. Terrain and all are very different as is the cost of living.
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
I don't have enough money left in my bank account to make my bills this month. I have enough to make either my electric bill or my phone bill but that is all because I need some to buy a bit more food. Payday isn't until June 14th.

I am working to earn some money online and I have lots of jewelry to sell on my site, The problem is that I have no working vehicle so I have to pay someone to take me to the store or order from It ends up being about the same cost.

Right now I have enough meals on wheels food to make my dinners, but I need some more stuff for breakfast and either sandwiches to go with my ramen noodles and/or some soup and some more craisins to put into my oatmeal or grits. I actually need some more oats too as I like to use my quick oats for breakfast and save the regular oats for use in breads, the occasional meatloaf and in cookies. I have some special, not very sweet cookies I want to try to make soon and since I'm about out of dessert items, they are likely to get made sooner than later.

I think I have just about enough canned cat food, plenty of treats and dry cat food for my housemates. My kitties keep me going as many days they are the only contact with the world I get ---live contact that is. Everything else is through the computer or on TV. The exception to that is those UPS, FedEx and USPS delivery people who bring me my stuff. They have a lot of things. The only problem is that they are kind of in bulk. That will be great as time goes by. It does, however, deplete my bank account in the mean time.

Having to refill four of my medications this month, plus buy my over the counter allergy stuff since Medicare no longer will cover them, even the generics, since they are offered OTC. That means my main allergy medication costs me $30 to $45 for the 60 day amount I used to get for $5.20 for 90 days. That is a lot, but without it I cannot breathe. As it is, it got so hot today that when I went out to check the mail and do my water and look in two boxes for my jewelry boxes (I didn't find them) I ended up choking and wheezing to he point of dry heaves. Thank God I had one of my throat lozenges (That is another $4or so a month) in my shorts pocket so could get control long enough to close the garage doors and get back into the house A/C. (I hate to see what my electric bill will look like next month.)

All of this extra allergy and food expense is what has led to my being short of money to pay my bills. I have to find a way to pay my mortgage bill of $259.64 by the end of the month or they will start to foreclose as I run one payment behind. That is why I am so desperate to get my van sold and a better vehicle that runs.

I need to be able to get to the farmer's markets and monthly yard sale places to sell my jewelry as well as all of the books I have that I have already read so need to get my 50cents or $1 for them. I have found a way to be able to make money online making and selling websites or flipping them. To do it, though, I need enough seed money to be able to buy the domains or option the already made sites. I've been learning how to do it.

I also have found a way to build my online list but I need the money to be able to pay for my autorespnder series and to purchase some solo ads so that the traffic I get to my sites is targeted instead of general or someone just reading emails and clicking on them to earn credits on a safelist site.

Last month, some 400 people looked at my jewelry site. I had no sales. I am wondering why as everyone who has purchased my stuff has come back to me saying it was even more beautiful than what the photos looked like. I know I have it priced affordably too, for what it is. I use quality metals and silver backed or copper backed wire for my coated wire stuff. The parawire is silver under the coating and the plastic coated wire is copper underneath. With prices from $12 to $120 and both big statement pieces (all the rage now!) as well as smaller pieces and even custom work available I don't understand why so many would look and not buy. Is my site working right? I think it is and I take PayPal or money order or even CASH IF YOU LIVE WHERE YOU CAN PICK IT UP YOURSELF. I don't charge a shipping fee either except for foreign shipments and that is because they cost me $10 to $15 more for those packages.

Ravan helps me when she can. She and Sarah have their own stuff to pay for and I'm sure are still playing a bit of catch up because Ravan was out of work for so long.

Can you help? My paypal account is, and I think most of my other email addresses are on there too. I will be adding them if I see that they are not. I have my jewelry up on my site and will be adding some crocheted items as giftware this weekend with a new page. If the weather holds I think I wll be doing some more and maybe some new pictures of my jewelry to see if I can get the site to load more quickly. That may help. I will put my piano on Craig's List again for Northern Florida people. Thanks for listening. Peace
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
I ordered a Precision Induction Cooktop from Hearthware after seeing their infomercial several times. Now, I've had a Flav'r Wave oven, now sold as a NuWave, made by this company for almost 20 years of trouble free cooking from frozen quickly and with lots of flavor. I have recommended them to several friends.

Now I must question the ethics of this company. They offered a buy-one get one free deal on the cooktops. I did that, though I didn't take their other offer for a full set of cookware and probably should have in hindsight. Well, the cooktop came last week. In the box was also a letter explaining that the second cooktop was on backorder and would be shipped at a later date. (they didn't charge the shipping and handling either)

I called their customer service to see when the second cooktop might arrive. Customer Service told me that they have NO IDEA when they will get those in, BUT THEY HAVE ENOUGH TO FILL ANY NEW ORDERS THEY GET. Something is wrong here in addition to horrible customer service.

IFirst off, they charge $10 more shipping and handling for the second piece of the same item, making it not quite free. I'm sure they pay more than that for it. It's just that I like complete disclosure on the infomercials.

They also "forget" to mention that the cooktop only works with cookware that can be magnetized, i.e. no aluminum, glass or clay cooking containers will work on it. That is OK since they do sell a set of cookware with it for $49 that is the right kind to work. I still would like to have known that the appliance would only work with steel, iron or clad steel cookware. I will give them that they did explain in great detail that the cooktop works by magnetizing the cookpot and thus heating it up which then heats the food to the exact temperature set. The top does stay cool except where it contacts the bottom of the pot as they stated.

Oh, and it cannot be used on a metal surface as it will magnetize that surface and, I assume, make it hot as well. That's another thing they neglected to mention in their infomercial. The third thing they didn't mention there is that the cooktop needs to be at least two feet away from electronic devices--- microwaves, burglar alarm control panels, their NuWave and Flav'r Wave ovens --- when operating or it will disrupt the

I really like my Precision Induction Cooktop! I can set an exact temperature and that's what the food will come to and stay at for as long as I set the time for on the unit. This is great! I can cook eggs or an omelet slowly without burning them, or can up the temperature and do them quickly. I love that versatility.

I'll keep everyone posted on my attempts to get my second cooktop from them. I really don't want to have to pay out the $39.95 for it this month, but it will be worth it to have my complete order. I am also considering not paying the final payment on the cooktop until and unless I get that second one. I have to check with my legal eagle buddy out in San Jose before I do that. It would be a Federal case since the company is located in another state. I just wanted everyone to know that part of the Precision Induction Cooktop infomercial offer might be a scam even though the appliance is really nice and cooks as it claims to do on the infomercial.
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
I have no earthly idea how to begin to describe this last week or so. I guess all I can do is list the "stuff" that went on/is going on and how I can or can't quite yet handle it.

My van needs more than a battery for me to be able to keep driving it, even for a couple more months. The alternator tests bad, as in not putting out enough to charge the battery. That's why it wouldn't stay charged, even after I put the water in it and charged it up with the trickle charger.

The trickle charger seems to want to stay at 5 amps. I don't know if that is because the battery just stays at 5 amps down or if the poor old trickle charger has finally gone bad. To get a new one will be $79. I had hoped to be able to wait a month or two before that became a priority.

With the van also needing a new gas tank, engine work to find and fix the horrendous oil leak and radiator work so that I can maybe drive it without the heat on full blast. All of that means my friends tell me to junk the thing and use the money I get to buy something else. I can probably get somewhere between $400 and $600 for it as junk at one of the junk yards, which are all 30 miles away in Palatka.

I can also, and will find out what I can get for the van if some company picks it up in the yard and pays me cash for it right there. I'm afraid that will be a much lower amount though.

Either way, drive to the junk yard or get it picked up here for salvage, I have to clean out my stuff from inside the van. There are two tables, a chair, a set of golf clubs, a fold up bed, three showcases and a big box of oversized paper and canvasboard still in it. There are also four tiedown point things, a tiedown wheelchair seatbelt and various and sundry receipts, containers of oil and tranny fluid as well as some tools and tape, a set of jumper cables and four cement blocks i.e. tent weights for when I do outdoor shows. They serve as rear end weights for the van when not in use as tent weights. That way it stays on the road better when I apply the brakes.

Cleaning out the van would not be a problem normally. I spent two days in the hospital this past week, however, because my chest hurts like Hell. The diagnosis is a viral bronchitis or lung inflammation. I have been told to take it easy for a week or so until it goes away. The medicine given is a steroid and an antibiotic on standby if I should find myself running a fever which would mean full blown pneumonia. Of course they had to do all of the heart scans first to determine that I didn't have a pulmonary embolism, a heart attack or other heart problem.

I did manage to finally get to Palatka to get some more money as a payday loan. I also had to get some food as Meals On Wheels is out of money and not bringing me any food until they get some. I have no idea if that will be after the first of January, after the first of July or after the first of October. I don't know how the program is funded. I will be calling tomorrow to find out so I can plan. I have a few meals still in my big freezer so will be OK for a little while, but not having the bread and milk and fruit cups they brought will take a toll on my food bill as that provided those items for my breakfast and lunch in addition to the food for dinner.

I could even use the meats I didn't eat with some mashed potatoes to make some stuff that poor little Tarblaze could eat other than Fancy Feast cans, and keep it down. If I have to buy a second can of food for her every day, it will also cut into my budget.

Now I have to find someone going into Hawthorne sometime in the next 24 hours so that I can put the money I got into the bank there. I don't care if it is night deposit or during bank hours. If I can get someone to ride with me and do the actual putting in, I can do it with the van. I think I have enough gas left to do that without turning off the engine and that is what I have to do to go anywhere. I can't get more gas though unless I get it in a can and put it in as they make you turn off your engine to pump it and I usually can't get two starts out of the battery now.

So what do I need? I need people to go to my website and buy jewelry. It's cyber Monday and I have just updated my pages to show the free shipping option I am continuing until January first of 2012. I have even decided not to raise my prices for at least the next week. That way people can get my stuff at 2010 prices, even though silver has gone up quite a bit since then. When I make new stuff, I will have to charge more as my supplies will cost more now.

I try to keep stuff affordable for almost everyone. I have been told that this is not necessarily the best way to do things. People think the jewelry is not worth much or nice because the price is lower than a lot of people doing silver. I always struggle with this. I want to be sure I give people good value and like to see people enjoy my creations. That may not be the best business decision because people don't always value that which they don't have to pay a lot to have. My stuff is not cheap. It is very carefully made and lovingly polished to be beautiful.

I keep hearing about cars and trucks for $1500 to $2000. They might as well be millions until I can sell enough stuff to have the cash to buy them. I was hoping that would be in January. Now I am stuck at home for two reasons; no reliable transportation that will hold my display and the need to wait out this darned chest/upper respiratory infection. (yes, I know it is going around and many of my friends have also had it for about three weeks ---- way too long for me to be able to make money in Holiday sales!)

People wonder why I am discouraged. Give me a break! My chest hurts. It is hard to breathe, especially to take a deep breath. If I don't keep sucking on a sugar free menthol cough drop, I cough, even with taking the mucinex cough suppressant pills. I'm tired. My muscles are not getting stronger because I can't exercise without coughing. I'm stuck depending on other people to get anywhere because of the van and the agency which is supposed to be helping me with food, chores, etc. is not able to fund the programs so I am left to try to cope on my own without their help, and they never did understand the problem arthritis causes for vacuuming, cleaning windows, all the big, repetitive action for arms stuff anyway. Their theory is if you can walk, you don't need much help.

Before I ended up in the hospital late Tuesday night, early Wednesday morning, I was going through my garage boxes too. Now that is not a good idea either, at least until I'm done with this lung thing. Friends have suggested I just sell them all off without going through them. NO WAY is my answer. I didn't pack them so don't know what is in them. The last one I checked had one of my degrees, framed, thrown in with some business papers and vinyl stick on letters. Can you imagine how I would feel if I had just sold that box off for a few dollars and whoever bought it had just thrown out my degree and used the frame for their grandkid's picture? I know there are many, many of those boxes with the same type of thing going on. People just picked up whatever would fit from where they were standing and filled the boxes. Most are not even labeled, except maybe for what room they were in and if they have books or vinyl records in them.

I know there are a lot of things in those boxes that can be tossed, and will be. There are also lots of things I am more than willing to sell. Still and all, there are some things which are important to me or which I need and miss having in my life. I know it has been about five years without those things, and that doesn't mean I don't want them. I have always known, during that five years, that I will have them again as soon as I go through my boxes. They are there and not forever lost to me. I consider it kind of like children or spouses. When they leave home and are far away or become and ex through divorce, one might not see them for a long time, and one knows they are still there and that one will probably see them one day. When a spouse dies or a child dies, however, it is very different. One knows there can never again be a full conversation with that person. They are gone forever.

I'll get to the boxes again as soon as I get a little better. Meanwhile I can work on the grant to get my well and garage roof fixed. I can also tweet and blog and put up status messages about my need to sell enough jewelry over the next month to be able to get a different vehicle. With it I have a chance to sell through some boutiques too and to go to farmers' markets etc. through out the Spring which used to be my best sales time.

I'm also going to look for something I can do from home that is not one of the millions of scam ideas that keep calling me. They hang up as soon as I tell them I have absolutely no money to invest to get started with their program. I'm not buying any kits, websites or what-evers. I have an unlimited web hosting account and own enough domains to put up whatever kind of site I might want already.

Well, I'm tired and it's time to score myself a bowl of my special soup. Thanks to Ravan I still have some mixed grains and beans which I use to make soups and chicken and rice, which they call Chicken Pilau around these parts. I have a few frozen biscuits left too, but I plan on putting some bread into the machine tonight. That and getting the garbage out are my two must-do chores for today. I got some of the garbage done yesterday so I have only a small bag and the litter left for tonight along with pulling the can and wheeled recycling bin out for the guys to pick it up tomorrow. I'd better get to it so I can get to bed before 3 in the morning. LOL Peace, and tell everyone about, please. I really need a newer vehicle! ---Ellen
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
One of Ravan's recent posts struck a nerve with me, really resonated in the wake (pun intended) of a large number of recent deaths, wakes and funerals in our local fire service and my Lions' Club(s) present and past. I don't like funerals either, for somewhat the same reasons as Ravan.

Funerals and other such memorial services are not for the dead. They are for those left behind to get some sort of closure. In December of 2005 and January of 2006 I had two of the things to plan, first for my mother and then for Bill, my husband. The two of them died twenty-four days apart, in December of 2005.

It was not an unexpected event for either of them. In fact, it was a blessing and, indeed, a beautiful thing for both. Mama died one day after my deceased dad's birthday and Bill just before New Year's. I think she went to be with him after a month of misery with C-diff, increasing blindness and dementia and a long hospital stay. Bill died in my arms after five years in bed following a disabling stroke. Both were ready to go.

For both of their services I requested happy hymns, their favorites, and that the preacher's involved emphasize that we were there to celebrate their moving to another stage of their journey. In each service I asked that friends share happy memories of Mama or of Bill, what the person meant to the friend as a celebration of their life well lived. Mom's service ended with the hymn I'll Fly Away at the funeral home before we went to the cemetery where she received full fire department honors, including the traditional Amazing Grace on bagpipes, the ceremonial folding and presentation of the flag and the County Wide Last Call broadcast on the radio. It was a beautiful tribute to her and all she had done for Putnam County EMS and the formation of the West Putnam Volunteer Fire Dept, Inc.

When I die I want people to celebrate my life and also my death. I want my body to be cremated after any parts that can be used are harvested and donated to help others. Any memorial service that people choose to have I ask that the songs and hymns be upbeat. My favorite hymns are the first verse of Blest Be The Tie That Binds, Amazing Grace, How Great Thou Art, In The Garden, Swing Low Sweet Chariot, Pass It On, Morning Has Broken, Bridge Over Troubled Water, Lord of the Dance, Just a Closer Walk With Thee and Kumbaya. If I had my druthers, I'd have each person share one happy memory or good thing that I had done with or said to them and everyone would sing all of my favorite songs and end with I'll Fly Away, 'cause that's what I'll be doing. Then all could go to the cemetery,or some could to simply spread my ashes over the family plot and then everyone go have a happy party in my honor. Now, since I'm only 70 years young, I may have a few more songs to add to this list before I leave this earth for the next part of my soul's being. Whenever it occurs, though, please make sure my "funeral" has lots of fun in it. Save your tears for someone who can't say they lived and loved well as I can. Like Frank Sinatra, I did it my way (and it was and continues to be always an interesting journey) Peace -----Ellen
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
The new icon is my male cat, Brudder. He got his snaggle tooth fighting with his now deceased litter mate, Little Boy, about six years ago, before Little Boy, who looked just like Brudder but with very, very green eyes and a bit coarser fur and a smaller size, met his maker at the talons of our neighborhood hawk. He almost made it home too, that evening, but the hawk got him next door. I cried for days and still miss the little guy. He and Brudder were Mama's kitties from kittenhood. Now I try to protect Brudder from a similar fate, but he really loves being outside for some part of each day, so I figure I'll keep him in from about four or five pm until morning which agrees with both of us. He also has come to like his creature comforts of a soft place to lie down and a pleasant air temperature. LOL

My van is affectionately known as Big Blue for obvious reasons once one looks at it. Big Blue is a 1989 Ford Econoline 250LX with a 351 V8 engine, an old but quite serviceable Braun wheelchair lift in its side and rust all over. Big Blue passes everything but a gas station to whit she will only hold up to half a tank of gas without leaking around her tank seam, she gets 10.3 mpg on the highway (which is 99% of my driving here), burns and leaks oil to the tune of a quart every 20 miles and has radiator problems such that she uses about a quart of water every time she goes ten miles or more and has a brake fluid leak on one of her rear cylinders such that she uses about a quarter cup of DOT#3 every sixty miles or so. I carry oil, water and DOT#3 as a matter of course. She also has a special switch to get power to her auxiliary fuel pump and no A/C, didn't come with it. I always run with all the heaters on full blast and windows open as much as I can get safely and dry-ly.

Big Blue gets me there, most of the time, and will run about 55mph easily and safely without complaining. Much more speed than that and she sucks oil, sucks much more gas and tends to overheat a whole lot more.

This week I had a new problem with Big Blue. On Sunday last week I found that she had a flat passenger side rear tire. It took me until Friday to get the right compressor located and my body functioning without anitbiotic caused dizziness and nausea well enough to get the compressor on her tire long enough to get it aired up full enough to drive Big Blue into Hawthorne to get the tire fixed or the spare put on.

Sadly, the tire had a hole in the sidewall, from dryrot according to the young tire guy. The spare was and is good so it is on Big Blue now. A serviceable new tire for her will cost from $114 to $195 there. She takes 215-85-16 tires and the ones she has on her now are actually the $195 variety i.e. Firestones. I don't like any of those prices so did NOT order a tire. Tomorrow I have to go into Palatka so I will spend the morning as I wait for the bug man and meals-on-wheels delivery lady calling the tire places I know about in Palatka to see if they happen to have a good used tire for Big Blue. I wouldn't do that except I figure I can put it on the spare and I plan to get rid of Big Blue in about four months provided I can sell enough stuff so to do, and I do need to do that. $1500. I figure I can find a good used small pick-up or SUV for that price or maybe a small van. I don't want to have payments either. Something better than Big Blue with maybe double the gas mileage would be great. I can then save for a bit better vehicle from there.

It just seems to get harder and harder for me to get ahead. If I cannot find a good used, affordable tire, I will have to run with no spare for a while, which I do not want to do as it leaves me in the position of having to buy a tire immediately should I lose another one.

Just thinking about this tires me out (pun intended). Time to get a bit of food. I made some really good soup today and I have a couple of bowls of my yummy chicken and grains left in the freezer. Mmmm, the freezer calls! Peace---Ellen
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
Last week kind of ended a bit weird when I left the headlights on for the van whilst I went into CVS to pick up my meds and some Halloween Candy. All was well until I got to the line to check out.

First I had to wait about twenty minutes for the pharmacist/clerk to finish with the lady two in front of me. That was OK as the lady in front of me and I chatted a bit. She was from one of the lakes just a bit south of me and in our fire district. We talked about who we both knew and what was going on with Station 20, where to get an ankle brace in the store and such. The lady waiting for the pharmacist to redo her prescriptions two ahead of was an old friend/neighbor of the lady ahead of me so the three of us got to introduce ourselves and chat while we waited.

It took the lady ahead of me about five minutes once she got to the pharmacist. They had made an error on her script too, but it was easily fixed.

Finally, it was my turn and I thought I was home free. I should have known better. First the clerk told me it would be $42 for one of my meds. Here we go again, I thought, and asked her to check that it was run right through medicare Part D and United American, my supplement. Of course, it wasn't and had to be rerun, including having the other pharmacist check that I really did have that insurance. Translation I sat down to wait another fifteen minutes for them to correct it. They just couldn't believe that I had reached my catastrophic section of Part D. Once they, finally, confirmed that I got both scripts for $0 copay. Whoppee! that means all my prescriptions from now until January First of 2012 have no copay.

I will also likely mean that I have to have them rerun each of them at the pharmacy. For some reason they just cannot seem to get that I am a medicare and United American senior citizen. I'm not sure why this happens almost every time I go in there or even what they are trying to use as my insurance company. I just know that almost every time I go in at least one of my scripts has to be redone because they have the wrong copay. It is not a bit deal for me, except when I go in around 8:30 to 8:45 at night and the pharmacy closes at 9. Now if they had it done right, this would be no problem. They just hate to have to rerun my scripts that close to closing. I think, subconsciously, that is sometimes why I go there at that time. It is also because I often fall asleep early in the evening and have to bust butt to get there in time, or a meeting runs late.

One of our firemen, Richard, was there with his brother to pick up a script for his mom. He was teasing me about my making sure I had Halloween candy I didn't like and I said hi to his brother. Then I left with my stuff and went to my van. When I approached I said "Oh shit" under my breath when I saw the lights still on. Now, this was fairly early in the evening, not quite dusk when I left the store.

I opened the door and immediately turned the lights off. Then I loaded in my purchases, opened my window, turned on the auxiliary gas pump switch and turned the key. There was NO SOUND, not even and unhh. The air under my breath was blue, at me, as I got out of the van, closed the window and locked the door, hoping I could catch Richard and Raymond to give me a jump so that I could get home.

Of course they were no longer in the store and their car was gone, just my luck. Since it was now approaching seven hours since I had food, I phoned my surrogate, the ass chief, to see if she knew of a place in Hawthorne that I could call to come out. She didn't and I told her I would go over to the pizza place have a meal and see if Bobby, the owner's husband was there as he was our first fire chief and would likely be able to give me a jump, especially since I had cables in the van.

Bobby and Judy drove in as I was pushing my cart across the parking lot. He told me he would love to do as I needed, but couldn't access his battery because he wasn't sure where it was, just that it wasn't under the hood of his new Chevelle. Someone told him it was under the back seat. At any rate, he couldn't get at it to give me a jump.

I toddled over to Family Dollar and got oil and litter. Then I went back to the restaurant and ordered a small calzone and a diet pepsi. It came and I was almost done with my first piece when one of his employees who was on the way home agreed to give me a jump. She drove me back to my van and we got it started. Then I drove over to where Bobby and Judy had been keeping an eye on my cart with my four quarts of oil and two bags of litter in it. Bobby handed that stuff to me through the window and I drove home, kept the motor running for an additional fifteen minutes and came into the house where I finished off another piece of my calzone.

That was Thursday night. Then Friday I put the trickle charger on the battery for 24 hours.

Saturday morning I noticed that the van wIas listing to one side more than usual. I quick check revealed that the passenger side rear tire was flat ----- only on the bottom though, LOL. I swore, keeping the air quite blue for a few minutes and investigated the spare. I have what seems to be a full tire spare mounted inside the van by the back seat. That is when I noticed that the van's tag ran out, was due in September and I totally forgot it with all the rest that was going on ---- more swearing as I have to renew it soon before the state reports my tardiness to my insurance company.

I explored using my airbrushing tank compressor to air up that tire on Sunday. The compressor tipped over as I wheeled it out of the garage side door. I ended up twisting both my right wrist and my back getting it back on its wheels and out of the door ----more blue air and ouch! Then I tried to use it to air up the tire and the back pressure put the tank into the red zone so I had to quit. That unit is meant for airbrushing and low pressure uses. The van tires take 80psi on the rear axle and 58 on the front. It took me most of Saturday evening to figure out where to find that information in a legible to me format.

Part of the reason doing the tire was so hard is that I am on nitrofurantoin, a nasty antibiotic, and it is kicking my butt with dizziness and such, especially when I have to bend over to access the tire valve. I only have a few more days to take it and it IS making a difference in my chronic sinusitis. I only hack up stuff about a tenth of as much as I was doing. That is the only reason I have continued the stuff.

I digress ---back to the van ---

On Monday, I found the other little non-tank Campbell Hausfeld compressor and switched the fill hose to it from the tank one. It worked like a charm and filled the tire. I don't have a gauge, so I can't check that I have enough pressure in it, but there is enough that I would be able to drive it into Hawthorne I think. I filled it and left it to see how long it took for the tire to go flat again. It looks to be about 24 hours, which is good. Hopefully there is only a nail or some such in it and I will be able to get it plugged.

Tomorrow my friend, Jill, is taking me into Hawthorne to go to the bank etc. At that time I will check with the two places that do car stuff to see if they are able to handle a full size van tire for repair, including remounting it on the vehicle. If they can I will be in business. If not, I will have to step up my hunt for one of my car battery compressors so that I can drive to Palatka to get it fixed. ARGH!

Now in all of this the best part is that during this time I got some really great mail. Ravan sent me a great CARE package. In it I found lots of green tea, even some instant iced, farina, oats, raisins, craisins and I think, some rice flour. That means I don't have to go shopping for breakfast foods or green tea this month. It leaves only some paper goods, garbage bags and cat food that I will have to get at the grocery this month.

On Monday, my volunteer from Suwanee River Economic Council told me that many of the meals on wheels clients are only getting three meals a week now. The funding for the program has been cut. Luckily, I am not one of those who gets the fewer meals or who is cut from the program. I am very grateful because I use that food to feed myself, with just a few additions, like fresh greens for salad, tomatoes, spaghetti sauce, condiments and seasonings, to feed myself for the whole week.

I eat some of the meals just as they are, usually for dinner. Some of them I take apart and combine to make soup for lunches and then I use the bread and milk to make soups and open face sandwiches for lunch and for toast for breakfast. I use the fruit on my cereal sometimes as well as for desserts or to change up and add to ramen noodles for a lunch soup.

With what Ravan has sent me and those meals, I can make a lot of things. Tonight I made a big pot of about four cups, cooked, of mixed grains (rices, barley and millet) with some Italian vegetables and four cut up cooked chicken thighs, chicken boullion and lots of seasonings like ginger, cinnamon, poultry seasoning, lemon pepper, onion, garlic, chicken grill spice, dried basil leaves and a dash of olive oil. A splash of lime juice was also added near the end of cooking to brighten the dish up a tad. It is good, but the first dish was not quite done enough. The grain rice was too hard to suit me so I added another two cups of water and cooked it another thirty minutes on simmer. That did the trick.

Now I'm off to put the somewhat cooled chicken and rice into containers for refrigerating and freezing. It will provide several more meals for the rest of the week. I might also make some tomato base soup in a day or so. After I put the chicken 'n' rice up I will eat my last meal for today and get to bed fairly early. Jill is picking me up at ten in the morning and I want to do the water and take a nice shower before she gets here. That means I have to get up early instead of going to bed early ( in the morning) and sleeping until ten.

Please pray that the van tire can be fixed and that I can either sell some stuff to make the money I need for bills this month or that I can get into Palatka to get a short term loan again. I hate to do the loan, but bills have got to be paid over the next week. Most are due by the 27th and my fire dept dues are also due now. Peace -----Ellen


Oct. 9th, 2011 08:14 pm
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
Well! If you want to get reactions from your friends and family, post to facebook, dreamwidth and livejournal when you are in the midst of glucose unbalance depression. If you put out there your feelings of being alone the reactions will be brutal. I found THAT out last week.

One friend went so far as to call me a liar and pretty much not worth dealing with because I went back to a payday loan place to avoid dealing with the whole foreclosure mess. Did I make an error in calculating how much money I had and how much I owed that month? Yes, of course I did! Otherwise I wouldn't have gone to that place.

Did I try other ways to get the funds? Yes! of course I did and because I had paid my electric bill already, the things for which I needed the funds were not eligible for charity help, if they even had any money left at the end of the fiscal year for some of them.

Did I hate to get back into that payday loan rut? You bet your sweet bippy I did! I really didn't see any other way. I'm not so stupid as to not get the amount it costs to get money that way, or as to how hard it is to get free of them again will be.

Do people really not understand that to use payday loans is and was a last resort? Do they not get that I really am so poor right now that any odd or extra expense can be devastating, that I don't have any credit or credit cards, only debit cards, that if I cannot pay for something now I cannot get it until I have the cash on me or in the bank to pay for all that I buy? Is that concept really so hard to understand?

I am anxiously awaiting the results of the blood work Dr. Banik had done last Wednesday. I hope it will hold the key to why I have no energy and why my back is so sore. If all is well, then I have to suck it up and work to find a way to live with the pain as it is then from arthritis. That means I have to work through it with my exercises until I can get my muscles strong enough to not be affected by the arthritis.

If that is the case I also will have to learn ways to work around the sore places. I have always been an active person. I am NOT ready to stop doing things now. Not being able to do things because of not having the money is enough of a limitation. I don't want arthritis to be another.

Still and all, the social workers and case managers who are supposed to be helping me need to do their jobs. Perhaps I need to get a doctor to order the help I need. I don't know. Something has to give so that I can live decently, with a reasonably clean home and cut grass in the yard. For Suwanee River Economic Council to stop yard work chores and bug spraying as well as housework help is just plain wrong.

They say it is because I can walk and they have too many bedbound folk who need the help. OK, if that is so, then by golly find me another agency in the eldercare system that can help me. I shouldn't have to give up my home because I can walk and am poor. That just plain sucks and is wrong on so very many levels!

My family is another sensitive issue. My elder natural daughter helps me all that she can. She is partially disabled herself, a "gimp" at the age of fifty who still does all she can to help me. My other natural daughter does all she can too. Her husband is a "gimp" who works freelance and they have three teen and preteen children to support. Both of my girls also live in areas where housing is very expensive, along with just about everything else. That is where the jobs are for their skill set and both of them work outside their homes. I know that were they closer to me they would both be over every week to help me clean or sort or to cook me something special. That is the kind of people they both are.

I have had two people suggest I get an apartment. I said no to that to both of them. First of all, my mortgage is less than $200 a month. Even with the late fee it is less than $220. Taxes mean saving about $60 a month and insurance is another $40 a month if I don't include theft or let the mortgage guy just insure it for the mortgage amount. That means I pay a maximum of $320 a month for "rent."

I have checked and apartment rents are at least $500 a month for anything decent enough to be safe. I would still have to pay my electric and phone as I do now. My electric bill averages about $100 a month except in the summer when it goes to $150 for one or two months. No matter how I calculate it, I am still "rent" money ahead to stay here and when I can start earning enough to double pay my mortgage to shorten the time I have it, I will still be less than I would have to pay in a rental. Heck, the little single wide mobile homes out here in the country on either side of me rent for $550 each and they are not much. Plus the renters have to pay both gas and electric since their cooking is propane. My place is all electric.

When I combine the financial non-savings with my dislike of apartment living and the fact that I would have to get rid of my pets more than likely, I choose to stay where I am. I have shorter walks to tote groceries and stuff as well as the company of my feline friends and good neighbors who look out for me as best they can. I also have the fire dept. folk who check on me regularly to be sure I am alive and kickin'. LOL
That is actually a good thing and something I would likely have to pay to have done somewhere else. I have seen such services offered, for a fee.

What I most want people to get is that I like my life here. I am, for the most part, quite comfortable and most of the services I need are close by, grocery stores, a bank, drug store, doctor (now) and the activities I enjoy. The library is also close. All of the above are readily available either four, seven or, at the very most, nine miles away. Even box stores are only twenty-five miles.

Recreation is also fairly close. Even theme parks are only forty to 125 miles and both coasts are only about fifty miles.

The weather is temperate. We do have several days at 90 of above (Farenheit) in the summer. Winter, however, is usually about sixty most of the time with freezes rare and usually limited to a couple of days a year in January or February. We also have all four seasons and both rain and sunshine on a regular basis. It is lush and tropical and perfect for me, not too humid and not too dry most of the time.

Well, that is why I plan to stay here as long as possible. I only need a little help with the yard and heavy cleaning to make my life very pleasant indeed. If it is not to be, well, I'd rather be here and struggle to keep the floors and lawn done than live in an apartment somewhere until I am forced to and need an assisted living facility. I'm a long way from that, thank goodness.

Yes, I get frustrated when I cannot get things done as soon as I want them done. Yes, I am a diabetic and sometimes suffer with the depression that comes with that disease, especially when blood sugars get too low. Most of the time I catch myself and recognize the depression before I talk about my low feelings to anyone. A week or so ago I didn't. I posted both on livejournal and facebook just how low I felt. (The low didn't last long, by the way, just a day or so.)

That is what brought down the storm of criticism from my friend, and, I suspect, also from my younger daughter and/or her husband. She didn't call me this weekend, the first time she has missed in many months. Perhaps she was very busy or they were off on a trip, but that has not stopped her before. I get particularly worried because I know that she wanted to get down to see Stan's mom before long because of some health problems his mom was experiencing. That puts them on the Interstate near here as a possibility and there were some really bad accidents with vans similar to theirs near here and in Georgia this weekend.

I think I will call her for a change. It will put my mind at ease, even if she is angry with me. Since it is now after 8pm their time, I had better get to it. Thanks for letting me rant and question a bit. Peace ----Ellen
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
My garage is FULL of boxes, as about 100 boxes full of all my stuff from my other home that I shared with Bill. I need to go through them and sort them. I also need to find my jewelry boxes which were in our master bedroom, which is mbr in box language. Most of my books were in my office room which is br2 for boxes. Some of my important papers and geneology research for the family were stacked in Christine's old room, which is BR3. There were crafts and clothing in all three bedrooms, a special cache of new books stored in the tub of our unused bathroom and computer stuff as well as then current business stuff in the built in desk in the hall. I also had storage in the LR and DR --- and books by category in those too.

It was a tad cooler today, high of about 84-F instead of 95-F. I decided to put a couple of hours in going through the boxes in the MBR section. I got through six of them, moved them so that I know they have been looked into and sorted the stuff that was dumped into them. In one I found several of my necklaces, a ring and some earrings just thrown into the box with only one really good silver set having its protective box. That was slow burn time for me. I know who DIDN'T pack that as my main packer is more OCD than I am, so she packs carefully. I sorted and saved the stuff and tomorrow I will tackle that which needs to come in and be evaluated carefully.

Many of the books are nonfiction reference books and my cookbooks or craft books which I DO NOT want to sell. Someone suggested that I might either clean out my smaller shed or get another one for my library. I think I will keep my eyes peeled for a good used shed about the same size as my studio and make it my library. I still have some of the shelves, most of them actually and can store some of the books in boxes until I can get the rest of the needed shelves. There are some books I definitely want to get rid of, mostly novels which I will never read again. There are only a few complete collections by favorite authors that I want to keep or to sell only as a set, even a few I can enjoy reading over again, and again. The writing is that good!

Many of the books are my text books and collection of psychological writings. Those and the poetry I really like to use a lot. I miss being able to go to that section to check one of my favorite psychologists view of a problem. Also, some of my books are just plain funny. I like to be able to go the the shelves and get the book I want, even if it is on the back row. I organize my books so that it is generally easy to find what I want by subject first and author second for nonfiction and by collection or author for the fiction. A shed for a library would be great, especially if I can air condition it and put a reading lamp and comfy chair in it too. A place to read away from the phone, cats, doorbell, TV, ahhhh.

In my search for the jewelry boxes getting six or seven boxes gone through and eliminated is a big step too. I also got some caught up on my vow to do a box a day. I got caught up for the whole week. Yea me! I am deservedly, very tired tonight, watching the Gator game in the Swamp on CBS. As weird as this game is, and I think the Gators are going to lose it, I may just go back to the create channel. LOL Have a great Sunday! Peace -----Elen
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
Today, I decided to go out onto the back porch to get the yogurt maker so that I could make some more yogurt. On Sunday I got the plain active yogurt with which to do this and on Monday my milk arrived with my Meals On Wheels order for the week.

It was easy to find the yogurt maker, all set out and ready. All I had to do was to bring it into the main house. It even had all six jars and their lids. Great! I was all set, or so I thought.

I made the step up to the main house and set the yogurt maker on top of the bookshelf that was there. It seemed secure, and was until I stepped aside and turned around to pull the heavy sliding door shut. Then, darn it all, I hit the shelf with my big old butt and shook it just enough to dislodge the yogurt maker, which fell the three feet to the floor. Two of the glass jars hit the door track and broke while one rolled back onto the porch but stayed whole.

I picked it all up, but not until after I had burst into tears of anger and frustration. I had me a real ten minute pity party of why did it have to be so hard to make things nice for myself. I was trying hard, even made it with my sore knee and hip, got up the step, even found my neato coffee grinder and coffee cone to be able to make decent fresh-ground coffee again. Why does everything have to be so damned hard ----- you know the whine. It was the complete poor me stuff.

I allowed myself the full ten minutes to wail and moan and then blew my nose, cleaned up the glass and pulled the door closed. I know I will find a couple of cheapo replacements for the broken pieces either in my cabinets or kitchen boxes or at the dollar store. Not only that, but I think the machine will work quite well with only four containers, if I remember correctly.

Additionally, I discovered a stick vacuum cleaner right by the door out on the porch. This could be a real Godsend to me for finally being able to clean some areas of this place. I would have missed it if I hadn't broken the glasses right near it. It is stuck discreetly into the corner beside the old craft table and blends in really well. Coincidence or God alive and well and acting in my life, which is it? I choose God acting, but you believe as suits you.

Now, please also notice that I said I cried tears of frustration and anger. I did not say I "got emotional." I absolutely reject and despise that politically correct new way to describe tears. I cry when I shed tears. They may be tears of joy, sorrow, frustration or too much pollen, but tears and crying they are.

I get emotional about a lot of things. Not all of that involves tears. Emotions can range from rage to grief and also include such things as joy, sadness, anger, frustration ---- the gamut. If some boob ever says to me that they "see that makes you emotional" may God help them because they are guaranteed to see emotional and it will be the anger end.

That is when I will tell them off. Someone once said I could tell someone to go to Hell so sweetly that they would actually be looking forward to the trip ---- until they finally realized where I had asked them to travel. By then, of course, I was usually long gone.

If you would like to do this too, I suggest you tell them this: "I have a great idea for you to take a nice vacation. I heartily recommend a cruise along the River Styx. It is great at this time of year, especially if you go by bushel basket and get one that has carried peaches. It is a devil of a trip to book so I suggest you get on it right away. Have fun!"

This must be delivered very sweetly with a smiling face, after which you walk away smirking. It will take them about five minutes to figure out what you said. If they are not the brightest bulb in the fixture, they may spend the next several minutes attempting to book a cruise on the River Styx, usually much to the amusement of any colleagues they happen to ask about it or tell. This is especially true if they are a real a-hole.

Another one I remember using once was telling the offending party I had a new bridge for them cross. It is over the River Styx and I suggest they do it right away, and don't forget to take their peach basket. I've also been known to tell someone to please go take that road paved with good intentions as they will fit right into the place at the end of it.

Now, please get that I can swear like a sailor and have the temper that goes with my Irish heritage. I just sometimes choose to have a bit of fun at the expense those who anger or upset me. It helps me to avoid that ugly cry that comes so easily to me when I am either very angry or my feelings are hurt. Figuring out how to tell the person off in a creative fashion without using swear words engages my mind in something other than the emotion of the moment, giving me more control. I just wish I could do it every time someone ticks me off ----and I just don't.

This may seem a weird way to end a piece on a pity party. It goes to ways to avoid getting stuck there. I'm also kind of tired which makes me a bit slap-happy.

It also goes to things one can do to others who can contribute to one's need to take ten for a pity party. It is so much easier to avoid when one can tell off someone who contributes to the upset. Now, how do I tell off myself? LOL ---Peace ----Ellen
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
With Ravan's help I think I will be able to dodge the immediate bullet, i.e. the threats of taking my property through a tax sale. Once we buy a bit of time I think I will be able to sell some of my larger items on Craig's list and find my old wedding rings and a bit more gold to sell to get the lawn cut and such. I tried to find my old jewelry box out in the garage boxes yesterday, but it was way too hot at 100 degrees in the shade to do it. I don't have lights in that part to search at night so it will have to wait until a day that is a bit cooler and I maybe have help to move around the boxes to find the right one. There are two areas to look at and the boxes have started to fall over so it can be dangerous since they stack way higher than my five foot one half inch frame. I will find that jewelry box though and take the stuff into Gainesville or Ocala to sell sometime around the middle of September, just after payday.

Each day I work to do one thing to help change the situation --- study, sort, check for writing jobs I can do on the online sites, even look up some of my stuff on eBay to see what I could likely get for it there and how much the listing would cost. It all takes time and it is worth every bit of it.

Today I went to my new doctor. I like him and learned some things. I have to go back next week for them to do blood work and to have my UTI checked. The doc says that it is possible to get rid of MRSA. That is opposite what I was told several years ago at Shands. They said once a carrier, always a carrier. I hope Dr. Sharma is correct because some of the things I don't let myself do now I would really like to be able to do again with a clear conscience.

Now, great as Ravan has been as a daughter helping me to figure this out, her younger sister has been about as upsetting to me as anyone could be. She has decided that I should plan on selling my place an moving into an apartment in either Gainesville or Ocala since I can't take care of the place (i.e. the lawn and save for the taxes) anymore. She says she found an apartment for $500 and if I sold this place I would probably have enough from the sale to pay rent for five years or so. Mind you the mortgage, taxes and yard work now total only $300 a month and when I can get another vehicle I will be able to afford that with not much problem. The way real estate is going here now I would be lucky to come away with the $30,000 she was figuring I would get BEFORE I paid for packing and moving what stuff I had left.

Then there is one overriding fact for me. I really, really don't like apartment living. I didn't like it thirty years ago in San Jose and I sure as shootin' don't like it any better now. A walk up would be murder on my legs and knees unless I had a first floor unit and that is just plain dangerous in either of those cities. Then there is the distance from parking to the apartment which must be traversed in all kinds of weather situations lugging groceries and anything else one wants to take inside. We haven't even talked about my three kitties yet. One of them is not declawed and is an in and out cat which wouldn't go in an apartment. All in all, I think I'll pass on that idea, at least for the foreseeable future. Where would I airbrush? Nupe! I'm definitely not ready for that yet.

That's where things stand right now. I haven't seen either of my girls for more than 15 hours since 2005. Ravan takes time to ask me what I want and we work out a plan. She gets it and leaves me with my dignity. Christine treats me like a child. She feels she has to dictate to me exactly what I should do. Sadly, when I say no to her ideas she gets upset. This time she doesn't have any money with which to help me. When she did have it, she said she could help but I would have to show her exactly how I spent my money and she could tell me to change it if I wanted her help. I know both girls love me, and I find Christine's way of solving problems demeaning. I know her heart is in the right place, but her solutions consistently involve my giving up my freedom and rights to make any decisions and show a complete lack of understanding what is important to me, of who I am and what I want to do with my days and nights.

I have to go put out the garbage and recycling, add some to the litter and go to bed. I am very tired as I was up at 8 this morning and have been going strong except for a one hour nap late this afternoon. Schlepping around in 96 or more temperatures with the heat on full blast in the van didn't help any either. Peace ---Ellen
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
Below is a copy of the email I sent to my family and friends last night. I also blind copied a couple of real estate agents I know. Yes, I really need the help. I also need ideas of ways to get some fast cash that aren't too strenuous and don't involve driving very much as my old van won't go unless the heat is on full blast to keep it from overheating and just stopping as it did a couple of weeks ago in the middle of one of the main roads through Palatka, some twenty-three miles from home. (The tow I wrote about here earlier I think.)

Today I got another letter from my mortgage guy saying he put $15,000 forced placed fire insurance on my place and wants a check for $411.25 for it and the administration fee. I will likely pay something on it over the next few months, but know that they will add it on to the principle too. Now, if they placed the lesser of property value and mortgage amount and I know my place is tax assessed at $49,000 or so, then it follows that the mortgage must be down to $15,000 now. (I will get an exact amount when I can pay it off. There is no penalty so to do after July 18th of this year.) Thus, yes, I really need your support and ideas.

Here's that email:
Dear Friends, Family & Some Real Estate Agents I trust,

First, there are some blind copied folk on this email who may wonder why you are there. Well, it is because I value your opinions and ideas and you may know someone who can help. Yes, I'm desperate, but still want to do this right.

Three years ago I took out a very expensive, not to great a mortgage to save my place from tax lien sale and from a man who wanted it and to get it that way. I did manage to save it and used the rest of the $17,000 plus mortgage to pay off all of my credit cards and old bills. I figured I had three years to get things all set to buy the mortgage back this July when there came no penalty. I won't tell you the mortgage interest. Let's just say it is more like a car loan rate than a mortgage and it is not with a bank, but a guy who does investments for people and I haven't been able to pay down anything but interest.

Now I am in the position of being three years behind in my real estate taxes again, which the county reported to my mortgage guy and the mortgage guy says I am in violation of my contract so is threatening to call my loan. I need to pay those taxes. They total just under $1800. This needs to happen yesterday.

I have no way to pay those. I am actually running one month behind on the mortgage and had hoped to be able to play catch up with it over the next four months to be all caught up by the end of the year. That doesn't make him very happy either. If he knew that my well pump has a short and I am working on a grant application to get that fixed and to replace the garage roof, he would be livid. The garage roof was as it is when I got the mortgage .

If I had a credit card, I would attempt to pay at least one year of the taxes to get the place out of the sale state. I don't have one and still have a bad credit score since it hasn't been the five years needed to clear my record. That also doesn't bode well for what else I want to do i.e. refinance the mortgage with a lower interest rate.

What I really, really need from one of you real estate people is for you to buy out the mortgage at about $18000, pay the $1790 and change in back taxes and then hold a mortgage on the property for that about $19000 or maybe $20,000 with fire insurance. I would like for it to be a loan of no more than 6% for 30 years, secured by the property which is tax apprased at $49000. I looked at a $20,000 loan at 6% for 30 years and the mortgage payment calculator came up with $119.61 for a monthly payment. With that amount, it would be possible to escrow the taxes and probably the insurance with Citizens as long as we don't do the theft part and still be about $200 which is what I can afford on a monthly basis.

I also want to learn how to do some investing with no money down etc., which is another discussion entirely. I know I need to got through the boxes in my garage as well as Mom's stuff and sell off some of it. There are some things I want to keep and to use that I cannot use right now because they are packed and not where I can access them. I want to sell the piano and keep the organ. My left hand has so much nerve damage that I will likely never be able to play left hand on piano again. The organ is another story as it has foot keys and one note chording which I can use to make music. It also takes up much less space and is more than adequate for what I need. In other words, I want to pear down some of my stuff. That doesn't mean I have to sell off all of the stuff I really like just because it is nice and I am poor. I like to enjoy my pretty things, nice dishes and silverware as well as to have my nice pots and pans hanging in my kitchen again etc.

Do old, poor people NEED nice things to live? No, of course not! At the same time if I have to sell off all my nice things to live, then, quite frankly, I would rather not live. It pretty much did that when I walked away from most of my things when Pete and I divorced. I got some other things that I now have and want to have around me to enjoy. It is great fun for me to fix myself a nice meal and to eat it on nice plates with silver utensils and I do that for special occasions.

So, if anyone can help with a way to get $1791 within about 30 days, I'm all ears, eyes and whatever else it takes. My body is not in the best of shape right now, but I do have a doctor's appointment on Monday, the 29th so all should improve rapidly after that. I have a nasty urinary tract infection, the bane of all female diabetics like me, and my eyes seem to have some sort of irritation in them that is making them run some kind of matter, most likely from pollen allergies. Other than these two things, I grow a bit stronger each day and learn how to accommodate the arthritic changes. The hardest thing is vacuuming because it uses my shoulder and back muscles which puts some strain on my middle and upper back. I wish people, especially those who evaluate me for housekeeping help services, would consider the repetitive part of such tasks instead of just whether or not I can walk or reach. Pushing the vacuum back and forth as it gets full is murder. They don't look at that though, especially with all of the funding cuts.

So, before you ask, yes, I'm planning to work to sell some things too. I need to find a way to earn about $200 a month or so more than what I get now just to survive. I also need to earn a fast $1000 extra over the next four months so that I can get out of using my bounce protection every month and can also get out of having to use Speedy Cash for a payday loan, which I had to do this last two months. I hate that as between the two I end up paying something between $35 and $89 a month in interest for that money not to mention the extra gas to absolutely have to go into Palatka twice a month.

I managed, this month, to get Clay Electric to let me pay only $110 of my $149.69 electric bill so that I would have enough money left to maybe be able to get through until payday on September 14th. I have to add the extra to my bill next month which means I have to pay about $!98 then. At least I have been able to keep the bills fairly low by keeping the temperature a little higher and not washing a whole bunch of clothes.

Enough about my odd life right now. Look, I'm broke. I'm frightened and depressed. All I have is this place, my old van and my three kitties here. I know I have family and that I am loved. I also know that I won't last a year in the Chicago area weather and I can't afford to live there or in San Jose either. My $1074 that gets deposited every second Wednesday doesn't go very far here. It would go even less far in either of those places. An assisted living place or a nursing home would drive me nuts. I value my privacy too much to go to either just yet and I wouldn't be able to keep my pets. Tarblaze is old at 13 and Brudder not far behind at 10 with even Tiffitu no kitten at 6 years old. If they go to a shelter, they will be put down. The two girls have no idea how to survive outside and have no front claws. Brudder is getting slow and yet still confronts dogs when he is outside. If I lose the house and have to go somewhere else, they will all die too and they just don't have to have that happen now. They have given me so much.

I also have no money to move my stuff so I will lose everything. Maybe that doesn't seem like much to you. After all it is only things and I can live without them. It just hurts more than I can say. I feel so much a failure and I wonder why I even bothered to fight so hard to live three years ago and to get my back fixed. I hate having to ask for help. I hate feeling helpless and knowing that I can't do this alone. I value my independence more than almost anything else. Some of you also know that I value the quality of my life much higher than the quantity i.e. length of that life. Please help me save my home. It isn't much, but it's mine and, with just a smidgen of help and luck, it will even by mine free and clear again in a year or less.

Thank you for your ideas, thoughtful consideration and help. I hate to say this and I do really need it. Peace ---Ellen
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
I really, really need to find a way to sell some stuff, enough to be able to get out of the Speedy Cash rut I am about to get into again. I hate that! Still, I see no way out of it for a month or two at least. I have $420 total in my possession. That means I am $423 short of being caught up with this month's bills with no more food purchased or gas, oil or even food for the cats and toilet bowl cleaner, both of which I will need before my next payday on Sept 14th. That means I will have to get a $450 loan to make it. I can call a couple of charities to maybe get help for my electric bill. If I do, it will mean I can not do that again for at least a year. I worry that since I need to get the tag for my car next month, I will need it more then.

I don't even know how I can get into Palatka to get the loan. I found out that Ford's have some sort of module on the firewall that if they get too hot, the vehicle shuts down and will not start again until the engine cools down. WTF! That is exactly what happened to me last week as on Saturday when I got the battery back up to charge Big Blue started and ran like a top, ran hot as usual but still strong. Bloody will TEED me off at the same time making me feel relieved. I needed that $130 and had I known that I would have left her sit in Palatka until later that night, filled her with gas and drove her home slowly. DAMN! DAmn! Damn! Losing that money for a tow this month has really shot me down.

I am tempted to get up at the crack of dawn for me and drive her slowly back to Palatka tomorrow morning to do the loan. At least, if she makes it OK, I would than be able to pay my electric, phone, car insurance, health insurance, mortgage and hosting account. Alternately I have to find someone to drive me in. Time is running out and I need to get this done so as to be able to pay my health insurance there which will save me about 20 bucks over using the post office and a money order. It has to be in an posted by Friday, so overnight from Speedy Cash for $3.50 is the cheapest way to pay it.

People keep telling me to put some stuff up on eBay to get some cash. Few of those have ever done that. I have. I know what it takes. It takes time, money to list the item, packing and shipping the item and hoping the person who bought it doesn't decide to return it et al. That is fine for someone who can get the packing supplies, go to a close place to ship or to the P.O. again to ship and gets it all going. I have an eBay account and have sold a few things that way. I likely will continue so to do. It just doesn't solve my immediate problems quickly enough.

I'm tired. I think I will play a quick game of mahjong, read a bit and go to bed. Peace ---Ellen

No wheels

Aug. 13th, 2011 03:56 pm
jemyl: (hugabear)
Thursday afternoon, I was full of hope and oh so happy. I jumped in my sweet, old van, Big Blue. She cranked right away and ran like a top. I stopped at the gas station on the corner and put 4.03 gallons of regular in her tank. Since I get 10.3 mpg, I figured it was enough to get me to the bank in Palatka, 23 miles away. Apparently in the heat or at the four miles of 60 mph, something went wrong and as soon as I slowed down to stop in the left turn lane to go into the bank, Big Blue quit. She wouldn't crank. I put on my flashers, closed her up and walked over to the bank to get my money out that I need for the month. I had a bill to pay by 6 p.m. on Friday in downtown Palatka.

I walked back over to the van and tried again. She cranked one time, ran super rough for about 20 seconds and quit again. Then I tried again and almost got her started when the battery went dead ----107 in the sun will do that.

I had put a quart of oil in her, my last one before I tried to crank her the second time. I couldn't check the water as the cap was so hot I couldn't get my hand on it long enough to push it down and turn it. I started dialing to see if any of my friends were in town. NO way, was just my luck.

About that time three Palatka cops showed up and pushed me and the van across the street into a vacant parking lot of a closed convenience store, just barely off the road. By the end of that, I was so hot I was beet red and really having trouble breathing.

I closed the windows again, locked up Big Blue, and headed for the pre-school next to the old store. They let me sit down and make my calls in the cool. I had let my AAA lapse ----argh! I wasn't sure. They said I could buy it and still pay for a tow. I knew I didn't have enough money to do that, so I just called the towing company and waited the 30 minutes for them to get there. Thank Goodness I had the cash with me to pay them as it was now past banking hours.

The guy got there, asked the dumb questiion "will it run?" Duh! Would anyone leave a vehicle where mine was if it would run? I think not! After I told him no he got down to business and loaded Big Blue on his rollback. Soon we were on our way home. This towing company has better trucks than the last one I had to use, from the same spot, almost, half a block off, when I had Big Blue quit on me last year. This truck had two steps of running board instead of one high one. I could get in pretty easily.

The driver dropped Big Blue in the driveway, facing in, fairly close to the garage, so putting the trickle charger on her was easy. I just had to finagle a way to fasten a tarp over her little hood to keep our afternoon rains out of the engine compartment and off the charger. I think I succeeded. I'll find out as soon as this little storm goes by. It is raining at the moment and the 24 hours of 2 amp trickle charge are almost up. It's time to take it off.

I figure, and surely do hope, that all that is wrong is that the heat somehow made me use more gas or there was some condensate in the tank because of the extreme heat and it got too low or with a bit of water in it. That way if I can put about four to six more gallons in, and can clear the injectors with a bit of injector cleaner added, Big Blue will crank and run smoothly again. Then, after a few minutes to be sure she is running smooth, I'll fill the tank to about half (to avoid the leaky seam)up at the station and be able to go to the bank and grocery in Hawthorne.

I desperately need to get dry cat food, kitty litter, more oil for Big Blue, Poise pads and some Tomato soup and such. I also need to either go to the E.R. or find someone to drive me to the urgent care center. With the way my back hurts and no appetite, I think the E.R. will be necessary as I think my UTI has gone to my kidneys and that's why I am having trouble walking without pain et al. I'm allergic to sulfa drugs too, so I want to be very careful who I see and the hospital has that well noted and documented.

Yeah, I'm bummed, and I don't have time to be depressed about it. I have to find a way to get wheels, to get into Palatka to do another damned payday loan to be able to pay my bills this month. I was going to try to go to one of our local charities to get a once a year help with my electric bill, and I still might, but I still won't have enough for the rest of my bills and even cat food and half a tank of gas unless I get a loan. It will be that way, I fear, until I can find a way to sell some stuff, like jewelry or maybe even my piano and the oldie but goodie golf club sets to pay for it.

I need to find a way to sell enough to cover the bills and then enough to get another used vehicle, like a small truck or small S.U.V. or mini-van, big enough to carry my outdoor setup but more efficient and newer/smaller than Big Blue which is an E-250 long wheel base 1989 Ford van with a big V-8 engine. I'd prefer the slightly smaller version with a V-6 for better gas mileage, and a bit newer for fewer breakdowns. Also, a good working A/C would be wonderful. Big Blue has none and now has to be run with the heat on to keep her from boiling over.

All I can do is keep trying to find some way to earn some more money. Christmas sales are coming.
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
I don't know what the best way is to out someone who abuses another offline when both are involved in online communities. I know that I agree with Ravan when she states that for B to tell in an online post of the abuse by A offline and then everybody pile on A for a trial by net is not the best way. It is too easily abused and leads to condemnation of A far and wide but doesn't have the checks and balances to prevent overkill that exist in offline systems such as the legal system.

Still, it is important for the online community to know that A is a bad actor so that A does not end up with undeserved kudos from the online community. What I do know is that the way it was done between Moofable and Keeva begot a ton of drams and didn't seem right to me.

All I see got accomplished was a whole bunch of hurt all around. I don't think anyone ended up happy with the result or comforted either, for that matter. Yes, there was a lot of discussion. Other than that I still saw nothing really accomplished.

There has to be a better way. I just don' know what it is.

What I do know is that I'm tired. I see nothing getting accomplished either. That means I'm done with it. I'll just have to ruminate on it for a while. Maybe, in time, something will pop up. For now, I think I've said all I can say on the subject. Peace ---Ellen

UPDATE: I went back over the journals of B and C and I now see that there really isn't any other way Jack could get the word out about Kynn in order to warn the online community. I was wrong to think that there was. I still don't like it, and I see no way around it.

My sense of fairness and outrage over rape of any kind by anyone has been at war with my absolute hate of trial by Internet. When I went back over everything with a completely open mind, I see exactly what Jack wants and why he has to out the rape on the net. He has not asked for people to punish Kynn, just that they be aware of her behavior, that she is a rapist, and her behavior is out of sync with her claims of being such a great feminist. That others took the information and dumped on Kynn is not Jack's fault. Nor did he ask for that to happen.

Therefore I sincerely apologize to Jack for my comments. He was right, as was Alexandraerin. They did not ask for the overkill toward Kynn, just that people be aware and not give her kudos as a feminist because of the way she manipulated others and the fact that she did not live as a feminist, but, instead, had raped Jack at Wis-Con quite recently. The knee-jerk reaction of others was and is on them, not on Jack and not on Alexandra. Peace ---Ellen
jemyl: green catseye cabachon in brass (greenbrass)
Finally! Payday is here tomorrow. I am really excited about that. I want to figure out how to get everything done and still have some money left at the end of the month for some savings.

Most of my bills I can and will pay online. It is just quicker and much more secure. I hate to carry cash as well.

I discovered, happily, that my visa debit card doesn't expire until this coming December instead of January of this year. It made my day since I now can use it to pay some of my bills instead of having to run them through PayPal to my other bank.

The rest of today I will spend making my shopping list for the rest of the month. It will be very short as I want to put as much as possible toward finally paying off my fire insurance for this place. I still owe $347 on it. I also owe about $1,00,000 in Real Estate Taxes to the county. I need to pay something on those soon as unless they are up to date, my mortgage guy can foreclose on my place. (I've got to earn the money to get rid of that damned mortgage ASAP!)

Both of these problems wouldn't be here if I hadn't had to make a snap decision and hadn't gotten scared in 2008 and jumped to get money to catch up the taxes then and to pay off all of my credit cards. Even as little as I owed, I probably would have been better off to go bankrupt. This is what I get for letting my pride get into the mix as well.

I refuse, however, to dwell on past errors. I just strive not to repeat them. I need to focus on working my way out of this situation so that I can once again have that $200 a month I pay for the mortgage as regular income. In other words, I have to work my ass off this year to earn enough money to clear up all of these bills and pay off the mortgage. (And people wonder why I say I don't have time for a man in my life, lonely as I get and much as I miss male companionship!)

I feel a little hopeful today. Still the weight of foreclosure still hangs over my head and scares me silly. I have to find a way to sell more jewelry.

There is a contest for a pattern wire bracelet at my jewelry bootcamp club. It's members only, and I have to enter in the advanced category since I have over a year in experience. I have some ideas for a design. I have to work out the details and get it put together. A win would be wonderful! First prize is $100 in jewelry supplies and, of course, bragging rights. Even third prize is $25 in supplies and this is where I buy my wire. The contest closes next Tuesday. It will give me something to do to keep me from mooning over having no valentine this year and missing Bill.

There is also a Lions Club meeting on Monday to plan for. (I know, bad sentence structure and that's the way I think) I'm the club Tail Twister so I'd best have something good planned to make the meeting fun and special as well as to make some money for the Tail Twister Fund for the club. I also need to get crackin' on the little lion refinishing. He needs it badly. I have to clean him, rough up his finish, repaint him, shellac or varnish or something him or, if I really feel like doing it up special, I can spring for some gold leaf and leaf varnish and do him up that way. It might be a waste though. I'll see which way is the least expensive that will still give him a good, durable, finish and look.

I guess I will have a busy weekend and week after all. I just hope this nice weather holds as I hate to have to schlep to the store in the rain or cold. Big Blue won't go then either. (sigh) I've got to get enough earned to justify a better vehicle too.

The other thing I am contemplating is the way I look, particularly my hair. It needs to be colored again. The problem is, even though I have the package of stuff to do it, I can't hold my hands up on my head for that long, to do it right. The woman who used to do it for me moved away, far enough that I don't feel comfortable driving the sixty some miles to get her to do it and she can't leave her place to come back here because she has vehicle issues too and hates to drive as well as has to be home for her dog. The dog doesn't get along with cats either.

My hair also needs a cut. She did that too, and a great job. Again, I don't feel right going to someone's home to ask them to make a mess cutting my hair.

That leaves my local beauty shop. I don't have any idea what they charge to do a color job. I know a haircut is $20 with the tip. Thus I have to call and price the rest. Otherwise I have to leave my gray roots showing and I will look like a skunk again and much, much older. When my hair goes all white I will be happy to let it be. It's not there yet and I fear I won't be able to afford the cost of having the shop keep it colored. I wish I had a close friend who could and would put the color into it for me and I just don't. This is just one more thing that being poor financially probably puts out of my reach. Damn! That is so very depressing for me. Peace ---Ellen


Nov. 19th, 2010 02:25 pm
jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)
I am very tired. This sinus stuff is still there and may be headed for my chest. I don't need this. It means that I likely won't be able to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning to go over to Interlachen to the Methodist church breakfast and yard sale. I could likely sell of at least one set of golf clubs and some books and jewelry, maybe even some of my crochet stuff if I were to go and the booth fee is only $5. It's a good deal! I just don't know if I will have the oomph to do it at an air temperature of 47 degrees or lower! That is temperature that also wreaks havoc with my knee, back, shoulder and wrist where I've had surgeries, not to mentions everywhere I still am riddled with osteo-arthritis. Bah Humbug! It's just that I need the money I might earn so very badly and I need the exposure to let folk know that I am still here and actively making items. That way they will know to look for me at the Lions Breakfast and there again next month.

Oh well, it is time to make some more jewelry and get to work photographing it and fixing up my site at to reflect the new things I have made. I have some new crosses done already and expect to get the things I need to make the rest any day now in the mail. I need to make this Holiday season a very successful one to finally be caught up on all my bills and maybe even get a good start on another vehicle. Later! Peace, Love and hugs----Ellen a.k.a. jemyl


jemyl: My orange male cat, Brudder (Default)

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